You have a tough job and there are a lot of moving parts.
That means there’s a lot to know and so, in your honor,
please enjoy this little ditty as a token of appreciation.

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan.

The old-fashioned (1993) data analyst was called a Web Analyst and got that way by sifting through a brand new type of data: web server log files. Log files in and of themselves were nothing new – every transaction system had to have one in order to record what had happened in case the whole thing crashed. Humans would need to identify the last transaction, to pick up the pieces.

Unique Data Set

But the exciting, nay, revolutionary thing about this log file was that it was a direct proxy for human behavior. Each entry was the result of a direct, human action.

Suddenly, we thought, we would be able to glean what people found interesting, engaging and persuasive just by calibrating their interactions with our web sites. It was the birth of Big Data – we just didn’t know to call it that.

The Universe in a Grain of Sand

What we took to be a microscopic view of clickthroughs and pageviews turned out to be a Hubble-sized introduction into all of online human behavior.

The review of web site interaction quality was joined by the studies of display ad effectiveness, email marketing proficiency, keyword marketing and search optimization efficacy, social media significance and mobile media accomplishments. Suddenly, dealing with Big Data got to be a very big job.

The Human Side of Analytics

And so, the Modern Data Analyst was born. StatueWe are the ones who find the surface, scratch the surface and then dive deep below the surface to unearth insights. Today’s data driven world relies on us to master previously unseen data sets and glean meaning.

Therefore, a tip of the bicorne to us: Those willing to roll up our sleeves and delve into the overwhelming complexity of modern data.

A toast to all who can do a difficult task with complex raw materials and not flinch in the knowledge that we are expected to turn lead into gold.

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan, and thanks to those who unwittingly spear herein, is a ditty to make us laugh at ourselves and allow others to laugh at us.

And now…..

The Modern Data Analyst

I am the very model of a Modern Data Analyst,
If insights you are needing I can whip you up a priceless list
I know the hits and clickthroughs and I slice them categorical
Creating many dashboard that display in metaphoricals

I’m very well acquainted, too, with algorithms elegant
And how to keep your message and your media most relevant
About Big Data theory, I am sick of all the kangaroos
Who fill your head with promises of which I must you disabuse

I’m very good at integrating differential data streams;
I cluster Hadoop nodes and can create ginormous bit machines
In short when you need insights, coefficients that can coexist
I am the very model of a Modern Data Analyst,

For monetizing eyeballs I can do it fast and very much
And optimize conversion rates with multivariate tests and such
I can design responsive code for mobile or for website guests
And find the perfect headline through semantic and linguistic tests

In predictive analytics I’m an expert data scientist
I break down data silos with a cookie that can long persist
I’ve been around since Sawmill and to prove to you that I’m mature
I don’t call it Adobe, I will always call it Omniture

I’ve targeted behavioral with flawless execution
And wowed my peers with feats of multichannel attribution
In short I’ve an affliction not helped by a psychoanalyst
I am the very model of a Modern Data Analyst.

To prove that my hypotheses are not random coincidence
I’ll run my tests until I reach statistical significance

I can surely talk the paint off walls until my friends are vomiting
By quoting Wannamaker and with marketing mix modeling
When at a cocktail party I can crush a conversation
By pointing out the difference twixt concurrence and causation

To prove your point and finally refute all of those skeptics
Just fill your head with learnings at this Summit called eMetrics
And when you take on board what you have learned from all our panelists
You’ll be the very model of a Modern Data Analyst.

Lyrics by Jim Sterne

Bonus Couplet (left on the cutting room floor):

To prove that my hypotheses are not random coincidence
I run my tests until I reach statistical significance.

Brought to you by

The eMetrics SummitDaa

The eMetrics Summit was founded in 2002 as a gathering of early adopters – those still in discovery mode – to discuss the possibilities. It is the only comprehensive event dedicated to digital analytics and marketing optimization.

It 2005, the eMetrics Summit gave birth to the Digital Analytics Association and has remained the leading conference the impact of data & technology on marketing, focusing on driving business results through data analysis and technology adoption and has been produced all over the world.

In 2009, the eMetrics Summit spawned Predictive Analytics World and the Conversion Conference which cater to data scientists and conversion optimization specialists respectively.

As the idea of applied data analytics becomes more commonplace, the eMetrics Summit continues to host fascinating case studies, insightful experts and leading edge vendors happy to share success stories, lessons learned and plans for new technology and processes.

My very great thanks to the unwitting:

AurΓ©lie Pols
Avinash Kaushik
Bryan Eisenberg
Christopher Berry
Connor Bush
Dylan Lewis
Eric Peterson
Eric Siegel
Gary Angel
Hans Rosling
Jennifer Veesenmeyer
Jim Connolly
John Wanamaker
June Dershewitz
Luke Mizuki
Sheri Cleary
Sir Arthur Sullivan
Sir W.S. Gilbert
Tim Wilson


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